Iphones and teens, not always a good combination…..

February 1, 2014

The ostrich effect is the easiest parental theory to implement. There are so many heart aches avoided, so many disappointments averted and peace reigns in our home. It’s just so much easier to look away. It’s so much easier to hide under the pretense that teens need to be trusted. It’s just so much easier not to pry…..

But my wife, bless her heart, pries, sticks her head out of the sand and pokes, pokes and pokes some more. She casually mentioned to a close friend the other day to check her daughter’s texts and Instagram in order to be aware of what her daughter is being exposed to. Her friend responded: But you need her Iphone code to do that!

I have a friend that says when everyone around you seems crazy, maybe it’s you that’s really crazy! My wife and I are in the minority regarding monitoring Iphone use for our teen. The Iphone is a wonderful entertainment piece and a very efficient business tool. However, it is also a conduit to all that is dangerous with the internet.

We have been flabbergasted with the texts we have read and the pictures we have seen from girls we thought were prim, proper and respectful. Many texts each other with regular use of profanity. They send provocative pictures that would destroy their reputations if posted on one of the many social media sites available.

They seem innocuous to the ramifications that could come about with their Iphone activity. Colleges are now scouring social media to find out more about applicants. Employers are doing the same. Schools have joined this effort to monitor for inappropriate behavior. The consequences are dire.

I know it’s easier to look away, but we MUST get involved. No, a young teen has not earned the right to be fully trusted. No, they do not have the life experience to properly asses a situation and deal with it accordingly. We are abdicating our parental responsibilities by turning a blind eye to the unfettered power of the internet.

You pay the Iphone bill, you have ALL the right to monitor its use. A few tips:

  • Get the code and forbid them to change it without giving you the new one.
  • Take the phone away for an hour at a time while at home.
  • Do not allow the phone in the room while they are sleeping. Group chats keep them awake for hours!
  • Do not allow the phone at the dinner table. Today’s teens have lost the art of looking people in the eye and holding a conversation.
  • Use the taking away of the phone as a way of prodding the type of behavior you seek from them. Take it away for a week so you will see the attitude adjustment that creates!
  • On a weekly basis take the phone away without forewarning. Look at the text threads, look at Instagram and Twitter. Search her camera roll.

Parenting is a full-time job. Teens need parameters now more than ever.  They need our life experience to teach them how to deal with the constant moral threats they are receiving.  At the end of our life, we will partake in the ultimate exit interview and final entrance exam! We will be asked what we did as parents to bring our children to God. What did we do to warrant the beautiful blessing we were given? How did we protect them from harm?  Did we pry and poke?

I for one do not want to fail that exam! Eternity is in the balance…..

Mother Mary pray for us……

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Tweens and high heels….what a funny combination!

June 9, 2012

My daughter celebrated her 13th birthday last weekend….even though it’s not until August! One of her closest friends is also a summer baby and is leaving for Spain for the summer…So of course they came up with an idea of celebrating their 13th first teenage b-day together. She promises she won’t ask for another bash on her real birthday in August… wish me luck on that one!

My wife and I are on the same page in not allowing our daughter to wear high heel shoes….So our daughter, the lawyer to be, came up with a compromise – wear platform shoes! Hey, they are actually not heels, but still 2-4 inches high; depending on the type of shoe… Since my wife and I are learning not to make every decision World War 3 and trying to choose what battles to fight, we let her buy a pair of platform shoes….talk about viral communication…. Every single girl at their party had huge platform shoes!

It was hilarious to see the girl’s tower over boys of the same age since the boys have not yet begun to develop their bodies….yes ladies, I know, even as adults we still haven’t developed our brains……. We parents had a ball watching these otherwise coordinated girls trying to maneuver their platforms! It was a miracle there were no broken ankles! My wife went to the girl’s bathroom at one point and saw about 10 girls on the floor exchanging shoes with each other because they were so uncomfortable! About mid way through the night most of the girls were shoeless…beautiful, fanciful outfits and no shoes! I have to give my daughter credit though, she actually took a second pair, these were flats, and at least wasn’t barefoot the rest of the evening.

It was your typical pre-teen party, with the boys goofing off and the girls dancing by themselves. At one point there were around 100 tweens partying. My wife and I couldn’t believe we made it through that night! We learned one important lesson though. We could have been stricter with the heels issue, but we already raised one girl – now 23 years of age. We know we have many, many rounds of battles in front of us. Many battles we had with our eldest daughter were great learning experiences for us.…

Hopefully we are wiser with our youngest…. we are definitely more tired! But we learned that by giving in a little, with something that didn’t involve a moral issue, she had fun and learned a big lesson about heels, platform or otherwise!

In fact, this evening they are off to another birthday party and guess what! They are all wearing flats!


Men and the Rosary….What a powerful combination!

May 26, 2012

I know children’s prayers hold special favor with our Lord….But I have to think hearing a room full of grown men praying a Rosary must also command His attention!

Our parish men’s group is named Emmaus. The name is based on the biblical passage showing our resurrected Lord walking with two men on the way to a town named Emmaus. I dedicated this blog to my walk with the Lord and the many obstacles and challenges I face along the way.  When the men’s Emmaus group meets, we always begin by praying the Rosary. 

It never ceases to amaze me when I sit back and listen to the powerful male voices praying in unison to our Blessed Mother.  I sense a feeling of raw power when we pray as a group one of our faith’s most traditional methods of prayer. We take turns offering each of the five decades to a personal petition.  It’s awe inspiring to hear a man dedicate a decade of the Rosary to his wife, or to his family or for a sick child or friend…. I hear offerings for vocations, addictions and healing. 

We Catholics have many forms of prayer, including the traditional rote, contemplative and thanksgiving ….to name a few.   But the Rosary to Our Lady is a powerful, yet relaxing tool.  Our non-Catholic brothers miss the point when they say they pray directly to our Lord….  We Catholics do that as well – but also pray to our Blessed Mother to intercede on our behalf with her son.  What more powerful intercession than that of a mother to a son? 

I look forward to these Emmaus group meetings in order to feed off of the exuberant faith displayed by my brothers.  We are all challenged with day to day crosses we bear, however, when we focus on praying the Rosary we are strengthened in our desire to continue serving our Lord.  

It serves our society well for men to take leadership roles in evangelizing to others.  In a world of unhinged sexual desires and topsy turvy morals, we men of faith must show others the importance of walking with our Lord….

May we realize the wonderful gift we have in praying the Rosary…….And may we continue to be a light in this ever darkening world.

                                                                               Maria, Ora Pro Nobis


You’re the worse dad in the history of the world!…No really…you are!

May 15, 2012

We have a new policy set in stone in the Alvarez family beginning the next school year. Boy do I wish I had implemented it this past year!  Our youngest daughter, evolving from a tween to a teen, will begin the school year grounded until we get the grades we feel she is capable of attaining….  As a seventh grader, we have struggled with the huge emphasis from her peers on guys and parties….Geez, I could have sworn our 23 year old didn’t start the drop off boy-girl parties until her sophomore year in high school….Then again our soon to be teen says her older sister was a nerd!

Parents, we need help, we need to work as a team of Catholic parents focused on living the faith we proclaim to be ours. It’s easier to turn a deaf ear to the constant wailing and whining when our soon to be teens do not get their way.  My 12 year old daughter, otherwise a wonderful human being, seems to thrive on skating on thin academic ice.  She expects us to jump for joy when her friends get summer school and she doesn’t. She expects us to applaud mediocrity.  She also expects us to reward her with party after party on the weekends…. 

We put our foot down this week and limited her to one party this past weekend.  Each and every day the week before the parties brought exaggerated levels of whininess, including the old standby: I hate you! She tried using her mother against me and vice versa. She actually waited until her mom was asleep, then cajoled an OK from her while she slept to go to the second party! When I held my own the next morning, she raged and sulked…something only a tween can do at the same time!

The morning after the grounding for the first party, the storm passed.  I can’t believe  my wife and me held our own and held to our new rule.  I’m sure our daughter now understands that rules will not be bent from now on.  But unfortunately, some of our peer parents don’t do the same.  We as parents, need to set the standard. We must set the bar at a level that will make them successful young ladies, both academically and morally.  Next year she goes into 8th grade. A pivotal year academically that will determine what high school she goes too. 

Sending our children to a Catholic high school does not absolve us from our responsibility to prepare their souls for eternity. I had the incredible blessing to go to confession with our beloved Bishop Augustine Roman only a few days before his passing.  I mentioned my concern as a Catholic parent that I wasn’t doing enough to guide my daughter through these tumultuous years as a Catholic young girl.  He told me in no uncertain terms that a Catholic education is only as good as the morals and lifestyle taught at home and shown by the parents. That Catholic High schools in and of themselves are not an adequate replacement for the examples of parents.

I wasn’t on a committed walk with our Lord while we were raising our eldest daughter.  Even though she is a wonderful young woman and gifted academically and artistically, I beat myself up for not giving her the example I should have as a Catholic father….  I am determined not to the same with my evolving tween….  I pray that the Lord give my wife and I the strength to hold our own and be an example as Catholic parents; not only to our daughter – but to our peer parents as well. 

 


Did our President evolve or did he capitulate?

May 13, 2012
Can you imagine….?  I’ve evolved, I know longer like my wife and will begin looking for a new one…. I’ve evolved, I no longer think Sunday Mass is really important, so I will attend only when I have nothing better to do…. I’ve evolved, I’ve realized there’s nothing wrong with shoplifting since the retailers add on that cost anyways… I’ve evolved, I always thought being a good example to my two girls was important; let them figure life out.
 
You know, I like this evolving thing! Just move away from the tough stuff and go along for the ride. The liberal media is banging down our door making us feel marginalized because we hold fast to a certain set of values. At best the President capitulated to the left wing fanatics he’s surrounded with. At worst he has no core convictions, only soft morals that can evolve when politically expedient.
 
As Catholic men we are called to defend our faith when those around us don’t.  I’ve also evolved….. I will no longer keep quiet when my Church, my morals and especially my Lord are attacked. I will rise above political and social expediency and lend my voice and words to the fight for Truth and the Light. I will stand up and defend family values.
 
Lets stop “evolving” and lead like real Catholic men should. If we don’t, who will?

The Devil in the Bedroom….. Fifty Shades of Gray and The Magic City

May 11, 2012

Miami, the Magic City and Fifty Shades of Gray….

Those that have heard my testimony regarding my walk as a Catholic man, have heard me say how dangerous it is to dismiss the existence of the Evil One…. It’s easier to turn a deaf ear or blind eye to the not so subtle attacks on those of us that have chosen to walk the walk and not just talk the talk….

A few nights ago I convinced my wife to watch, in a rare moment of idleness, the much touted and positively reviewed, Miami, the Magic City.  The program shows Miami Beach in the early 60’s including the influence of the early Cuban exiles.  The segment we watched began two very sexually provocative scenes which were a bit uncomfortable to watch.  However, it escalated quickly with a scene of the programs main character in a bedroom telling his sexual partner that he was a God and she should sexually sacrifice himself to her…Shortly thereafter she went to lie in a bed,  totally topless and began to masturbate in front of him; presumably to turn him on….

The Evil One entered our bedroom and in a fog of pornography froze my wife and me into brief submission…. Because she and I have put our lives into God’s hands, HE quickly came and lifted the confusion from our eyes and I told her this is not something we should be watching…   

Now, those that know my wife and me, know we are not prudes…and no matter how melodramatic the above paragraph reads…. Hollywood and its liberal, immoral majority, want my wife and I to feel abnormal and out of the mainstream if we didn’t enjoy the newest hit on HBO….. 

We are called to be soldiers of Christ in all walks of life.  The war against the Evil One begins in our bedroom, extends to the rest of our home and into the workplace.  We, Catholic men,  must stay vigilant and be leaders of our families in all aspects of our lives…..Let us stay strong and in community and tell Hollywood and their advertising sponsors, that we will not give in to the immoral movies and television programs of our times….

And to my women Sisters in Christ….. Beware of the newest popular book to invade your psyche….. Fifty Shades of Gray….  or Mommy Porn, as it is affectionately being called… The book is one of three in a trilogy with a lead character that enjoys affairs, bondage and other sorts of kinkiness shrouded in the entitlement you are being told you have earned…  Where women’s independence is more and more based on the lowest forms of sexual abnormality ever seen in our society…..The title insinuates that there are no more moral boundaries of black and white….just do what makes one feel good while wallowing in the fifty shades of gray…..

Sisters, you can’t have it both ways… You want your men to be Catholic leaders of your families and soldiers of God in society – then we need your help and support.   The Devil knows that by dividing and conquering Catholic marriages, he will win….. We cannot and will not let that happen.

Remember, when we wake up in the morning and our feet hit the ground, we want the Devil to say:  OH SHIT – THEY ARE UP! Not only one soldier – but two married soldiers of God that will defeat me with their collective commitment to the Lord!

Be strong and stay together in the Lord – Our society and our children’s future depends on us…..