Yes, I know, prayer and worrying shouldn’t go hand in hand….But for those whose children are flying off on their own fully understand this paradox. ….I always had a feeling my oldest daughter was like a round peg in a square hole while studying at one of the best all girl prep schools in Florida…. I felt the same while she went to a top 50 US university in LA then to a master’s program rated one of the top 3 in the world….
My daughter has a split personality that amazes me. She is an academic on one hand; performing complicated research and landing at the top of her class….while at the same time seeking to perform and display her creative side in the most interesting and unusual art forms…. During her prep high school years she excelled at musical theater. The classic triple threat: singing, dancing and acting. We sent her to London, Salamanca and New York to train in the top venues in her field. In New York she fell in love with circus performing. She graduated from prep school, went to LA to one of the best film schools in the world and proceeded to graduate with a bachelor degree in archeology… Yes, it’s a wonder her mom and I don’t have whiplash from her ongoing career changes! She found a local circus group and performed as a contortionist while going to school. Those were the longest 4 years of our life – but she got through it, as did we.
Back in Miami, I got her into one of the most prestigious marine archaeologist masters programs in the world. She achieved 5 different degrees of high level diving certifications and completed her course work. Now I realize she excelled in prep school, college and a master’s program probably because of my pressure and my selfish reasons…. All along she dreamt of being a circus performer. So right after passing her final masters class, she announced to her mother and me that she was heading back to LA in less than a month to join a circus troupe fulltime.
Her mom is convinced she won’t be back soon. I tell her if that is the case it’s because she is successful in what she chose to do. If her artistic dreams do not meet her expectations, she will always have a great education to fall back on. However, that won’t do much to alleviate the helplessness and fears her mom and I will feel while she tries her hand at something that is so foreign to us.
We are people of faith and know the Lord has her in His Hands. But as we lie awake at night wondering how she is doing so far away, I will always remember my little girl hugging me and telling me as I fail to hold off my tears……it will be OK papa, I will always love you both….you and mami taught me well…
And off she goes to the circus….as I pray and worry and worry and pray some more…but always proud of my baby girl…..I love you too….